Economy Goes Down, Prostitutes Don’t

SecondhandNews — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 16:32:06 +0000

NEVADA - It’s no secret that the U.S. economy is not in the best of shape. Between the sub-prime mortgage crisis, the credit crunch, the soaring price of oil and the weak dollar, times are tough and getting tougher all the time.

But until now it’s only affected us in minor ways, a foreclosed home here, a family unable to afford gasoline and groceries there, maybe the occasional collapse of an airline industry. Nothing to get your panties in a twist over. But now the stalled economy is hitting us Americans where we live: our brothels.

According to Newsweek.com the Nevada Brothel Owners’ Association is reporting a record drop in business with revenue down by a whopping 45 percent.

The world’s oldest profession has thrived throughout history, in good times and bad, because there is always demand for a good screw. So such flaccid sales figures can only be explained by potential customers getting screwed elsewhere, in this case at the pump.

“Some of these brothels are out in the middle of nowhere so fuel prices have an effect,” explains Dennis Hof, proprietor of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch and winner of the 1997 Western Regional Mr. Clean lookalike contest.

This cannot be allowed to continue. Prostitutes provide an invaluable service to the community by servicing the community. That they should lose their livelihoods is unthinkable. How can we stand by as they are reduced to not turning tricks, just to survive? We cannot take it lying down that they are no longer taking it lying down.

It is time for action. It is time for us to arouse our righteous indignation and thrust our collective will into the moist, ready orifice we call representative government. Please, write your elected representatives and urge them to support subsidies for the prostitution industry before the bottoms-up business goes belly up. Because otherwise one day many years from now you might just have to explain to your daughter, as you walked by a long abandoned, shuttered brothel, that no, she can’t grow up to be anything she wants to be.

And you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.

Supreme Court Justice Announces Monkey Video Game

paulyokota — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 06:16:37 +0000

It was inevitable, really. Sandra Day O’Connor’s life story and accomplishments, including graduating at the top of her class at Stanford Law, being elected to the Arizona State Senate and, oh yeah, becoming the first female Supreme Court Justice, impressive as they may be, have clearly been leading to this point. At long last she has reached what many believe to be the pinnacle of her long and storied career, the logical conclusion of her life’s work.

That’s right, Sandra Day O’Connor has finally become a video game developer.

The 78 year old has announced that she is involved in the development of the project “Our Courts”, an online video game designed to teach young people about the judicial system.

At an age when most would be concerning themselves with budgeting their pensions to afford name-brand denture cream and adult diapers, O’Connor is more worried by ignorance about our system of justice among today’s youth. Naturally there could be only one solution to such an issue. That solution? A video game featuring a 3-D animated monkey.

“It will allow students to engage in real legal issues,” said O’Connor, as if anyone could doubt the seriousness of this project. After all, the monkey is right there on the home page.

One can only assume the limb the monkey is swinging from is the Judicial Branch.

SECONDHAND NEWS » Entertainment

Economy Goes Down, Prostitutes Don’t

Supreme Court Justice Announces Monkey Video Game