In observance of of Veteran’s Day, Army Chief of Staff General George W. Casey presided over a ceremony at Fort Benning, Georgia today, honoring “our nations greatest heroes,” by which of course he meant the veterans of the infamous 1859 Pig War.

U.S. Marshalls looking for crack dealer Vinol Wilson burst into a community center in Grandview, Mo Wednesday, assaulting and tasering Stuart Wright. Wright is not a drug dealer, but a local public servant and father, however like Vinol Wilson, Wright is black, which as one Marshall put it, makes him “close enough”. “I’ve never been [...]

BALTIMORE – Public safety is a serious problem in Baltimore, with a violent crime rate nearly three times the national average. Maryland state Senator George Della Jr. responded to this crisis in the only sane,  logical way: by proposing a ban on beer pong.

US Airways Flight 1549  crash landed into the Hudson River in New York City yesterday, a harrowing ordeal for all aboard, but a major victory for gravity as a fundamental force of the universe. The plane went down only three minutes after takeoff,  losing power in both engines following the pilot’s report of a “double [...]

LONDON, UK – In an exclusive interview with the London Times, President George W. Bush for the first time expressed regrets over his rhetoric in the lead-up to the Iraq war. In a rare moment of public self-reflection, Bush admitted that his aggressive public stance prior to the invasion may have “indicated to people that [...]

So obviously the big story over the weekend was Saturday’s conclusion of the 17 month saga that was the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination process. What’s that you say? You thought the Democratic Nominee was decided last Tuesday, when the final two primaries gave Barack Obama enough delegates to surpass the threshold of 2,118 required for [...]

WASHINGTON DC – Chief of Staff Gen. T. Michael Moseley and Secretary Michael W. Wynne, the top military and civilian leaders of the United States Air Force were forced to resign today amid accusations of poor performance, incompetence and “general fucked-uppedness” by their branch of the military. Such serious repercussions at such a high level [...]

It was inevitable, really. Sandra Day O’Connor’s life story and accomplishments, including graduating at the top of her class at Stanford Law, being elected to the Arizona State Senate and, oh yeah, becoming the first female Supreme Court Justice, impressive as they may be, have clearly been leading to this point. At long last she [...]

On Friday, the Microsoft Corporation submitted an offer to Yahoo!’s board of directors, proposing to purchase all outstanding common shares of Yahoo! for $31 per share. For those of you who only speak English, that means Microsoft wants to pretty much buy Yahoo! for a grand total of around 44.6 billion dollars. The company who [...]

Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, mayor of the ridiculously small town of Arlington, Oregon is facing a recall vote, mostly because she is a great big whore. Kontur-Gronquist has sullied her town’s damn near non-existent reputation. Was she involved in an illicit affair with a city official? Sexual harassment? Prostitution? Incest*? Nope. Her ho-baggery took a far more [...]