World news

Navy Snipers Kill Pirates, No Parrots Hurt

Apr 13th, 2009 | By Paul Yokota | Category: Latest News Satire, World news

Three pirates were killed by three shots from Navy SEAL snipers Sunday night, ending the United States’ first confrontation with armed pirates since the USS Constitution’s defeated Captain James Hook in 1815, leading to Hook’s banishment to Michael Jackson’s Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara, California.
The shooting of the pirates ended a tense, days long standoff [...]



UK to Zimbabwe: You Can’t Play With Our Balls

Jun 24th, 2008 | By paulyokota | Category: World news

The U.N. Security Council unanimously ruled today that Zimbabwe is screwed.
More specifically, they ruled that it would be impossible for the country’s runoff presidential election to be “free and fair” in light of the fact that President Robert Mugabe has been using some slightly undemocratic campaign tactics, such as slaughtering his opponent’s supporters en masse.



Turkish Court Thwarts Islamist Headscarf Conspiracy

Jun 6th, 2008 | By paulyokota | Category: World news

ANKARA, TURKEY – Turkey’s highest court has overturned a constitutional amendment which would lift the ban on the wearing of headscarves by young women in universities.
The amendment was the work of Turkey’s ruling Justice and Development (AK) Party, which may be forced to disband amid swirling accusations of “anti-secular activities” which could lead the party’s [...]



Unthinkable Happens, Region in Shock

Feb 4th, 2008 | By paulyokota | Category: Sports, World news

Fighting continued today in Chad, as rebels linked to the Sudanese government attempted to overthrow the government of President Idriss Deby. If the coup is successful, it could have dire effects on the conflict in neighboring Darfur. The border between Sudan and Chad is a key point of entry for humanitarian groups, journalists, human rights [...]