In his first official state visit as President of the United States, Barack Obama made good on campaign promises to engage the nation’s enemies in dialogue “without preconditions”, meeting directly with the leadership of the rouge nation of Canada.

President Obama traveled to Ottawa to meet with Stephen Harper’s regime, disregarding the prevailing opinion of Americans, 72% of whom are “pretty sure the capital of Canada is Toronto.” Prime Minister Harper himself, on the other hand, had a surprisingly high approval rating among the 2.3% of Americans who had ever heard of him.

Canada is of course mired in the midst of sectarian violence and allegations of ethnic cleansing due to the ongoing slaughter in the country’s indigenous Pine and Spruce communities, largely at the hands of Canada’s large traditional majority population of flannel-wearing lumberjacks. The genocide of the ethnic tree population seems to have no end in sight, further entrenching Canada as a member of the so-called “axes of evil”.

Critics accuse Obama of kowtowing to the Canadians, asserting that Canada receives special considerations due to its extensive reserves of maple-based breakfast condiments on which America is dependent. Large-scale “No Blood for Syrup” demonstrations are scheduled to coincide with President Obama’s meeting with Prime Minister Harper this afternoon. Other detractors simply point out that Canadians are “so polite it’s creepy.”

The administration would not comment on rumors that the Secret Service had enlisted the aid of former New York Rangers goaltender Mike Richter, to help prepare for the possibility of a hockey skate being thrown at the president during his visit.

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