BALTIMORE - Public safety is a serious problem in Baltimore, with a violent crime rate nearly three times the national average. Maryland state Senator George Della Jr. responded to this crisis in the only sane,  logical way: by proposing a ban on beer pong.

Della has spent over 26 years in the state Senate, entrusted with a sacred public trust which he has chosen to use, not to address a homicide rate six times that of New York City, but to take on the looming threat of 22 year-old frat boys improving their hand-eye coordination while getting drunk.

It should be noted that this proposed legislation was not aimed at college campuses or curbing underage drinking in any way. Instead it would ban beer pong and other games from area bars, regulating the recreational activities of adults drinking legally, leading some experts to speculate that Della, while living on a taxpayer’s money, simply had nothing better to do.

What Della didn’t count on was the outcry of protest from the Maryland amateur beer pong community.

Yes, really.

MD Beer Pong pulled together a grassroots movement to oppose the bill, spreading awareness and orchestrating a massive letter writing campaign. Their near fanatical dedication to support the “sport” of beer pong reached a level of ridiculousness only rivaled by the effort to have the game criminalized in the first place.

Della has since withdrawn the bill, the avalanche of mail apparently prompting the realization that his proposed legislation was, in fact, retarded.

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